March is Women's History Month and during it we celebrate International Women's Day. My social media feeds are rife with posts celebrating and empowering women with beautiful words. One of my favorite posts this 2024 Women's History Month, however, was a video by Indeed with a call to action, "What if instead of using vague, cliché phrases, we turned those words into action?" A sentiment followed by the hashtag #ActuallyPromoteWomen.
I am a proponent of wielding our collective power for action rather than performance. As such, I want to dedicate this space, during this Women's History Month, to talk about the actions and socially manufactured cultures that prevent women from actually being promoted or from being successful in leadership roles when that door is finally cracked open. Holding space for these reflections is crucial when in every industry, including women-dominated ones, C-suite and executive leadership roles continue to be overrepresented by men.
The following are just a few examples of phenomena, practices, and experiences - some named in published scholarly research, others named out of conversations with my highly educated women friends (so, pretty much unpublished scholarly research) - we must learn from and collectively push back against in order to #ActuallyPromoteWomen.
Further, keep reading for one woman's story, one of countless stories, that illustrates examples of barriers and sabotage as women take on the challenge of leadership. A pseudonym is used for privacy, but Rosario's story is real and I'm grateful for her vulnerability.
From pet to threat. Originating from research by Thomas, Johnson-Bailey, and Phelps, going from pet to threat names how women, typically Black women, are well-liked and celebrated by leaders and managers when they are shiny and new to a role. However, once they start demonstrating competence, showing confidence, or proposing ideas - perish the thought! At that point, they go from "pet" to being perceived as a career-stalling threat.
The Goldilocks dilemma. For women, this phenomenon becomes a conundrum of, "do I want to be likeable or ambitious?" While men are praised and respected for demonstrating authority and strength, those same traits in women can be seen as less warm, not friendly enough, and unlikable. On the flip side, if women are too communal, collaborative, and approachable, they are not "leadership material".
Always the problem solver, never promoted. I'm coining this term to describe the practice of doing the heavy lifting for others to get the credit, recognition, and promotions. This includes outsiders being hired for management positions and companies/organizations relying on high-performing women to take on the extra work of training their own bosses.
A day late, a dollar and a position short. This one is near and dear to me as a result of personal experiences. In short, a woman decides to resign a position where she has expressed that the work load does not match the compensation and/or a reasonable work day. After accepting the resignation, the employer realizes the high performing, exploited woman was right and fills her single position with two people, or a promotion and higher pay for the newly minted replacement.
Last, but not least, there's wewerejustaboutism. This practice is often combined with "a day late, a dollar and a position short". The woman who solved problems, worked in good faith, was flexible in order to support the organization's needs and mission, and voluntarily trained others realizes none of that is expanding her opportunities beyond her current role and decides to go somewhere else. At that point it's amazing how many great conversations seem to have been had about said woman but not with her. When she tenders her resignation, she is told they were just about to create the advancement opportunity for which she was about to be the frontrunner! They were just about to review her salary and adjust it based on her work load and glowing annual review! They were just about to give her every carrot they dangled with each unreasonable demand!
As you read the examples above and read the courageous story below, I hope readers reflect on the ways that biases, systemic barriers, and societal norms hinder women's career advancement and ability to take on visible roles while edifying men as leaders in the workplace.
Rosario's Story
Imagine finally having a desk plate with your name on it. It feels good… it feels like a huge accomplishment. That name plate, that title, emblematizes many years of late nights, early mornings, papers due, ice breakers, new professors, countless group projects, long commutes, public speaking courses, jobs that started off great and drained your soul, and years of climbing the ladder to reach to the top. The top of what? Do we all know what we want to be when we grow up or do we simply keep climbing towards a dream salary? Regardless of the obstacles, falling off that ladder was not an option. I didn't just want a title, I wanted a legacy for my family - to make each generation's life a little less harsh. I wanted it to honor my ancestors, so that their sacrifices would be worth it.
As an educated Latina woman, I've experienced that with every advance still comes feeling like I'm stuck in a society from 50 years ago. Surprised looks form upon people seeing a woman of color, or any woman, in a leadership position and the comments that follow can be worse than the looks. I was in my dream leadership position as a childcare director. After that experience, I can honestly say I'm no longer interested in management nor working for men with unchecked power. For 13 years, my experience in early childhood education had been one surrounded by women working as teachers, classroom assistants, and leaders. When I landed the director position, I wanted to change the stigma of women as “emotional leaders”. However, that became very difficult as I was challenged not only because of my ethnic background, but also my gender and my educational background. My previous employer and I got along most days, but there were many moments when I had to "check him”. He didn't like being challenged, so those getting along days started to diminish. He would question my decisions and opinions supposedly because I was not experienced enough as a leader. It was offensive considering my vast experience in the same field where his only experience had been management. I would often need to defend my staff, not only because I knew what it was like to be a teacher, but as women, I wanted to amplify their voices. He would burn out the good teachers, yet make me hand-hold the ones that needed more guidance. By my third year as director, I was in the classroom more and more because of staff shortages, but was questioned on many occasions as to why my office work was "slipping". On occasion, my employer would commend me on being a single mom, working full time, and continuing my education. But compliments were few and far between, often used in layers of gaslighting.
To me, family engagement is critical in early childhood education. So, in my work, I ensured to always create events or projects where families were involved. I was fulfilling my duties as director to communicate with families, train staff, and ensure the health and safety of all the children in our center. Yet, one forgotten phone call was the end of the world. One violation on our annual inspection report, out 160 regulations, and it was the end of the world - 159 things that were going well suddenly overshadowed. If part of a tattoo peeked from the cuff of my shirt, it was the end of the world.
My previous employer held a world view of women as docile, obedient, and subservient to men. None of those adjectives describe me. I stand up for myself and what I believe in. He wrote me up once and I refused to sign the letter of reprimand he wanted me to acknowledge. Why? Because I had done nothing wrong. I compromised with a child, allowing them to wear an article of clothing from their cubby to clean up their toys. According to him, I needed to notify the child's parent of this interaction and I failed to do so. Deesacalating a possible tantrum is commonplace in my day-to-day and something I have mastered as both a mom and a teacher. Classroom management techniques are an essential part of the thousands of decisions teachers make all day. If children are safe and issues are resolved in the classroom, every little thing does not require a home contact. Especially when you pride yourself in proactive family engagement. But the man who had never been in a classroom and was not used to classroom-level problem solving questioned my experience and my decision.
I must say, my previous employer was fair to the staff on increasing their wages on a yearly basis. However, when I took on the director position, I was told I'd have the potential to earn quarterly bonuses. Yet, in three years I only earned three bonuses. I realized he was the sole decision-maker for this potential bonus. It turned out, he used a deficit approach to make this decision and actually kept a spreadsheet tallying what I supposedly wasn’t able to do or complete. Meanwhile, there was no documentation on his end of all the things I did do. I went above and beyond for my staff while ensuring they always had planning time. I covered their lunch breaks to ensure they got their full allotted time. I answered work phone calls before and after my shift. He used to cut my lunch short when he needed me back in the building so he could step out. I had to be there for him and the rest of my staff with no expectation of support or breaks for me. My boss’s treatment poured into my home. I was easily irritated and defensive as a result of the work I couldn't check at the door. I had a friend tell me, “You should be appreciative of the position you’re in. It’s hard enough as women and women of color to have your position”. We are no longer friends. I believe in achieving major accomplishments, going through rough moments and all, but I could never justify letting an "opportunity" chip away at my character or dignity. And I realized I had let it go on for too long while trying to hang on to the ladder of success.
Finally, I chose me. I decided the title was not worth the treatment. I could make my family and my ancestors proud doing other important work. Resigning was the best decision I made, especially for my mental health. I was careful in choosing who to work for next, paying attention to the organization and team values. Now I hold a position without the title, but I am appreciated for my heritage and language, I am apprectiated for my education, and I am appreciated for being a woman with extensive background knowledge in my field. I…am…APPRECIATED. No name plate necessary.
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” ~Maya Angelou
Liberation cannot move at the pace of those who benefit from others' marginalization. What can you do, regardless of gender, in your sphere of influence to help #ActuallyPromoteWomen?
In hopeful solidarity,
Dr. Violet Jiménez Sims
Co-owner and Principal Consultant
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